Christmas Day TV. It's a busy time of festive specials, feel-good movies and family-friendly double entendre – often watched in snatches between checking on the sprouts and having that 15th game of hide and seek with someone else’s kids.
So what kind of joyless Grinch would actively search out other viewing options?
Well, here at Three, we’ve decided to do the leg-work for you. Alongside the usual feast of high-budget schmaltz, thick-knit jumpers, and specials we've been waiting all year for, there are some other great options.
So here are our top hidden Christmas TV gems…
Morning: Singalong on Channel 5
Forget the hymns and homilies of Christmas Day service. From 7.35am, Channel 5 are laying on a feast of singalong movies, from An American In Paris to On The Town and Scrooge. Depending on who you’re with on the day, at that time you’ll either be blissfully alone amid a sleeping house, or already knee deep in wrapping paper.
Either way, sit back, unwrap the day’s ninth Quality Street, and give it some welly.
What can possibly go wrong?
The Weinstein Company
After lunch: The Artist – BBC Two
On first glance, this is an adventurous bit of scheduling. A silent black and white movie harking back to the pre-talkie era? Perhaps not one for post-lunch slump, when your body is getting used to the idea that you now believe it has no spatial limits. All you want to do is chuckle along to something animated, mindless and voiced by Hollywood celebs you can’t quite put your finger on.
But actually, it's genius: 100 minutes of multi-Oscar-winning fun, with the beauty of Hollywood’s heyday, the raucous fun of vaudeville, and a magical, twisty-turny story to carry you along.
Plus there’s Uggie the dog. The Jack Russell won a Palm Dog award for his part in the movie. You can even read his biography. Bi-dog-raphy.
Ahem.
Getty Images
3pm
The royal Christmas day message has been a staple of the schedules since George V dropped the mic all the way back in them days. But whether you’re a die-hard republican or just after the perspective of someone a bit less… regal… there are other options.
Firstly there’s C4’s alternative Christmas message. They’ve been doing them for decades, and, as well as the live version on the day, you can find some great archive vids from the likes of Edward Snowden and the cast of Educating Yorkshire on All 4.
But why stop there? If you’re after some brain food alongside the day’s onslaught of literal food, check out a TED talk or if you’re after something a bit more challenging, MIT have partnered with other unis to bring their lectures to the masses for free at the OpenCourseWare Consortium.
Guaranteed to shake you out of that food coma. Except maybe the one on Organic Chemistry.
Netflix
Mid-afternoon slump: A Very Murray Christmas – Netflix
If you missed this 2015 one-off from Sofia Coppola, now’s your chance to get a bit of festive Bill Murray action, as it’s back on Netflix.
Ok, so it IS a Christmas special. But it’s fronted by the most sardonic man ever to don black tie. Basically the human inverse of a Christmas bauble. The man played Scrooge for crying out loud!
Anyway, the plot is hammy as hell (a snowstorm leaves Bill without guests for his live Christmas special) - and the whole thing actually has more Christmas flavour than a minced pie with brandy butter - but with Bill Murray as host, it’s always going to be a fun ride.
Plus you get some serious A-list bang for your buck: George Clooney, Miley Cyrus, Amy Poehler, Michael Cera. How can you resist?
Sky
Evening - Monkeys: An Amazing Animal Family on Sky 1
This looks epic. Beginning at 8pm on Christmas day, the three-parter looks at the various simian species across the globe and how they've adapted to suit their different environments.
The write-up promises, among other things, 'intimate monkey encounters', which, given their reputation for public displays of 'self love' and throwing their faeces around, could generate some Gogglebox-worthy moments.
Anyway, it's not often you get a combo of super-cute cuddly creatures and high-concept evolutionary theory - especially not on Christmas Day. So this looks like a winner.
BBC
Late-night binge: Barracuda, BBC Three
Now if there’s one thing Christmas Day is pretty bloody good for, it’s drama. There are Christmas specials galore of most of your favourites, but you just cannot avoid twinkly, snow-draped scenes of redemption and human spirit and wonder. Sigh.
Well, we might just have a nice counterpoint to all that schmaltz. Remember that mini-series a few years back called The Slap? It was all about a man hitting a kid at a barbecue. Had Brian ‘not Prof’ Cox and Uma Thurman in it? Well, this is the latest offering from the same author, Aussie novelist Christos Tsiolkas.
It’s a four-part drama set amid the testosterone-soaked tension of an Australian high school swimming team at an exclusive boys’ school. There’s a kind of Hogwartsy vibe but basically the characters spend a lot of time in Speedos…
Anyway, it’s available for binge viewing from the week before Christmas. And not a snowman or a roaring fire in sight.
Load up iPlayer and get involved.
That’s it – if you can make it through the 24 hours that are 25 December without having your icy heart melted for a moment by the festive kaleidoscope that is Christmas TV, we salute you. You will have done better than us…
Channel 4
Best of the rest
- Troll Hunters - fantastical animation from the mind of Guillermo del Toro (Netflix, 23 December)
- Blankety Blank - First full ep since 2002, with David Walliams, Anne Robinson and The Chuckle Brothers among others (ITV, 24 December)
- Going On A Bear Hunt - animated special from the pen of Michael Rosen (C4, 24 December)
- Modern Family - eighth season of the hit US comedy begins (Sky One, 30 December)
