If referees had other businesses, what would they be called?

Because that's the kind of thing that entertains us, we've imagined what other businesses top referees might set up.

*A record is basically a bit of music made out of vinyl that you can touch. Yeah, weird hey? 

Andre The Marriner

Toby jugs, compasses, scrolls, big woollen jumpers, those hats that Jeremy Corbyn and Cheryl both wear - they're all available for purchase at Andre Marriner's quaint new seaside shop of nautical curiosities down in Cornwall. 

Surely that's got to be an easier life than getting harangued by upset, histrionic millionaires, sanctimonious pundits and irate keyboard warriors every Saturday afternoon?

Howard's Web Cafe

It's a bit superfluous and anachronistic to include the word 'web' in the name or signage for the cafe, seeing as internet cafes haven't really been a thing in the UK for over a decade now but 'Howard's Web Cafe' is bringing them back with an early noughties nostalgia trip for internet surfers, designed to usurp the usual chain cafes and their free wifi as standard.

Come to Howard Webb's cafe to enjoy a matcha latte and listen to his tales of refereeing across the continent, while looking up your pal's old MySpace and Bebo profiles on his dial-up internet. 

Mark's Battenburgs

The bad boy of the refereeing world, with his tattoos and penchant for Ed Sheeran, has dealt with the pressure of officiating a Champions League final, as well as officiating at Euro 2016. Could he direct his energies now to a new kind of pressure - serving up hot pastries, fresh loaves and lunchtime bagels to hungry commuters and lunchtime rushes?

Mark Clattenburg's Chelsea buns are dedicated to that famous clash against Tottenham in 2016.

Rob's Styles

In an alternate universe, entirely of our own creation, former Premier League referee and the man who once appeared to award Michael Essien two yellow cards without sending him off, is now the heavily-tattooed owner of a men's grooming salon.

Offering traditional cut-throat shaves, and giving every single customer exactly the same throwback haircut, Rob Styles is happy to regale his clientele with an explanation of how the new handball rules will change the way teams defend, as he covers their faces in hot towels, and heads outside for a quick vape.

The Rovers Return

In this same universe Mike Dean has become a pub landlord, with a new venture, named not after the one from that famous ITV soap, but in honour of his favourite club Tranmere Rovers' glorious and dramatic recent return to League One.

Dean came to the world's attention as a Rovers fan recently when footage emerged of him absolutely giving it the big'un on an away day at Forest Green Rovers, which saw Tranmere make the League Two play-off final.

He's one of football's great entertainers, with his ostentatious penalty awards and practical jokes (remember when he hid that ball from Aguero? The cad), so we're sure he'd be a dream landlord.

Well, that was fun. Hopefully you lot enjoyed yourselves too.

Do you have any other referee business ventures you'd like to add to the list? Well why not stick them in the comments section below. 

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